If Rob Ford is Sticking Up For Bieber Then I Think I Just Joined Team Bieber

(Source) - Toronto Mayor Rob Ford stuck up for Justin Bieber in a radio interview on Thursday, the day after the Canadian singer was charged with assault in his city.

Ford called into the Washington, D.C.-based radio show The Sports Junkies, whose hosts labeled Bieber “Canada’s worst export,” and asked them to put it all in perspective by remembering when they were Bieber’s age. 

“He’s a young guy, 19 years old. I wish I was as successful as he was,” Ford said, who added he’s never met the singer and is not a fan of his music.

I know I talk a lot of shit about the Biebs, but that's only because I honestly thought that I hated his guts this whole time.  But now that Rob Ford is sticking up for him I'm not so sure anymore.  Say what you want about Mayor Ford.  Does he occasionally black the fuck out and smoke a little crack?  Sure.  Is it kind of strange that he hypes himself up for all of his press conference by sporting a new NFL jersey every time? Maybe to some.  Did he put a jail hit out on his sister's convict ex-boyfriend to keep him from opening his mouth about Ford's hard drug use?  Almost definitely.  But if there is one thing that know for sure about this man it's that he's an excellent judge of character.  The kind of class act that only smokes crack when he's shitfaced aka basically never happened, only deals with the most upstanding and respectful drug dealers, only picks trustworthy guys he used to coach in football to execute his off the books dirty work.  He's just aligning himself with the best of the best in every aspect of his life.  And if he's Team Bieber then who the hell am I to doubt him?  I'm just an unemployed blogger, real scum.  Up until this point Mayor Ford has proven himself to be nothing more than an exemplary role model.  The kind of guy that works hard and parties harder. He kicks ass and takes names.  That's called living the dream guys.  And if he's saying that he of all people is jealous of the Biebs and that we all need to relax and give the guy a break then I guess I have to agree with him.  Maybe we all have been being a little rough on Justin.  I feel a little silly saying it because it's so new to me but fuck it.  FREE BIEBER!

If You Haven't Seen Shakira's New Video It Pretty Much Proves That I'm Psychic

Seriously, Beyonce who?  Screw it, she can have the hearts of America's women all she wants.  Nothing in this world pitches a faster tent in my pants than a brand spankin' new Shakira music video.  If you're a red-blooded American male then you need to see this.  On behalf of Shakira, I'd like to say you're welcome world, you're welcome.

PS - This video also just further proves that Rihanna can't get after it with the best of them.  Call me when you're ready for the big leagues sweetheart.  

Some Dude in Australia is Dressing Up Like a Clown and Creeping the Shit Out of Everyone

(Source) - Melbourne police are seeking information about a man wearing a clown mask who was seen waving a gun at pedestrians early on Tuesday morning.

Four people have so far come forward to say they were threatened by the man, who was seen leaning out of a car passenger window as the vehicle slowed to a crawl when passing victims across the St Albans and Sydenham area.

The clown stepped out of the car on one occasion but no-one was hurt during the bizarre 30-minute spree, though Sgt Mark Guthrie of the Brimbank Crime Investigation Unit said victims were in shock.

"All the witnesses have described a weapon being pointed at them, a firearm, whether it is fake or not we do not know," Sgt Guthrie said.

"All the incidents happened within half an hour and within 10 to 15km of each other. It was half-hour of madness but why they did it, I can't put my finger on it.

"It was very scary for those involved, they all want them caught or for it to stop," he added.

Sgt Guthrie said the man had been described as wearing a full white face mask with red hair, red lips and red nose, riding in a white car that may have had other passengers.

I don't get the big fuss over this.  It's clearly some drunk Aussie bro driving around purposely trying to get a rise out of people while his mates sit in the backseat and have a good laugh/crush empty Fosters cans on their foreheads.  I'd bet all the money in my bank account ($134.82) that the gun is either fake or empty. You heard me, ALL OF IT.  Sure, maybe it's still a little fucked up that he's going around and shoving a pistol in everyone's face but at the same time I'm kind of pissed I'm not there with him.  30 short minutes of screwing around with your buddies and you legit probably made at least two or three people poop their pants in the middle of the street.  That would be the funniest 30 minutes of my entire year.  No one died, no one got hurt, nothing even happened.  It honestly sounds well worth whatever stupid fine you'll get even if you do get caught.

Oh and keep in mind that this isn't happening in uptight America where a person would literally sue this dude straight into the poorhouse for something ridiculous like causing "emotional distress."  This is Australia. Aussies LOVE to fuck around.  If the cops ever do find out who these guys are, I guarantee they join in on the fun for at least one more twenty minute go-around with the clown masks.  Actually now that I'm thinking about it, it probably was the cops.  It's the perfect crime.

Maybe I Jumped to Conclusions About Amanda Knox...

I change my mind.....GUILTY! GUILTY!  DEFINITELY GUILTY!

Amanda Knox Re-Accused of Murder...I Still Would

(Source) - An Italian appeals court convicted former exchange student Amanda Knox and her ex-boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito on murder charges Thursday night.

Prosecutors said the couple had killed Meredith Kercher in November 2007. They were convicted two years later of murder, but those charges were overturned on appeal in 2011.

A judge said Thursday that Knox, also convicted of slander, was sentenced in absentia to 28 1/2 years in prison. Sollecito's sentence was 25 years.

Knox, who was at home in Seattle, Washington, said her conviction would bring no consolation to the Kercher family.

"I am frightened and saddened by this unjust verdict," she said in written remarks. "Having been found innocent before, I expected better from the Italian justice system. The evidence and accusatory theory do not justify a verdict of guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. ...There has always been a marked lack of evidence."

She called the legal proceedings a travesty.



I'm not going to lie to you.  I know absolutely nothing about the law and even less about the Italian law.  And on top of that, I also really don't know anything about this case.  But if there is one thing  that I know for sure its that Amanda Knox is way too pretty for jail.  Did she do it?  I  honestly don't know, but she certainly doesn't seem to think so.  Personally I think the Italians should just lay off.  Seriously, has anyone ever met an Italian that would let something go?  Constantly up in your grill barking shit out.  Everything's an argument with these people.  Um guys, you already had a retrial and found her innocent once.  Why does this keep coming up, do you not have any other criminals to convict or something?  Or is that because a couple bureaucratic goombahs over there decided they changed their mind back this delicate little flower has to go up on the stand again and be forced to re-ride that emotional rollercoaster?  Just give it a rest and leave the poor girl alone already.  From what it sounds like there really isn't even a ton of evidence to support that she did anything.  It was basically just like, "Hmm who's-a pretty good-a suspect?  The roommate?  I don't-a know-a...you think-a she's strong enough to pull-a this off-a? Oh, she have-a the boyfriend!?  That's-a perfecto, let's-a convict them!"  

Typical lazy foreigners not being able to do anything right, always half-assing their way through life.  Hey Italy, maybe this is why your country is in absolute shambles.  They can't get anything done.  How are they supposed to solve grave economic crisis when they're spending 6 years and millions of dollars in resources on convicting, releasing, and re-convicting some American chick in a murder case?  It's just fiscally irresponsible.  The police were probably going to collect evidence but then it was siesta time (or whatever the hell custom they have in Italy) so they went and grabbed a cannoli and a ridiculously undersized and overpriced cup of coffee instead.  Figured fuck the evidence, who needs it this is Italy - guilty until proven innocent*.

Oh and FYI Italian government, we're basically going to tell you to go fuck yourself if you want us to extradite Knox back there.  Because even though we're "cooperative" and "all equals" in this world, we both know that our dick swings longer than yours.  What are you going to do, send a strongly worded letter to Obama?  Remember, your country may be shaped like a boot, but we won't hesitate to shove ours deep up into your asshole if you ever fall out of line.  So fuck you and God Bless America.














PS - I would 100% answer a Craigslist posting by Amanda Knox if she were looking for a roommate knowing full well what she's accused of doing to the last one.  Yeah, maybe it puts me in the same apartment as a murderer but it also puts me one step closer to getting into those panties of hers.  High risk, high reward.







*Seriously, the law in Italy is guilty until proven innocent, I looked it up.  So even if you can't prove that she murdered her roommate, really the only thing you need to prove is that it's theoretically possible that she did and that alone is enough to convict her.  It's a completely backwards version of "beyond a reasonable doubt".  Ridiculous, I know.

Peyton Just Facialed Richard Sherman

(Source) - Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman said Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning throws "ducks." And Thursday, had Sherman been in the room, he would have seen a rather prominent Broncos player agree with him.

That would be Manning.

"They say he's a smart player, and I don't think that's a real reach what he's saying there," Manning said Thursday morning. "I do throw ducks. I've thrown a lot of yards and touchdown ducks, so I'm actually quite proud of it."

Earlier this season, Sherman praised Manning's intelligence but added that he throws "ducks" at times. Sherman was then asked about the comment in the Seahawks' media session Wednesday and did not retreat.

"Well, I still feel the same way I felt," Sherman said Wednesday. "He is a great quarterback, he does a great job. At the same time, when he catches the ball, he doesn't necessarily catch the laces all the time. He throws an accurate ball in regards to how he catches it, he just gets it on time and delivers it accurately."

On Thursday, Sherman was told how Manning responded to his comments.

"Oh, I agree. That's exactly what I said. That's what I said. It sounds like a repeat of what I said," he said.

I know that Richard Sherman said that he throws it accurately and that Manning is still a great quarterback blah blah blah.  That's not the point.  You simply do not come at the King days before the big game, Dick. Complete lack of common sense. Do you honestly want to give this guy another reason to want to pound your team's pussy into the ground?  Sherman literally just took all of the pressure that was on Peyton's shoulder (can't win the big games, his legacy needs this, all of it) and he turned Manning's attention to doing one thing and one thing only - making a DB look like a complete moron and ruining his day.  Hey idiot, that's the man's bread and butter!  That's what Peyton thinks about before sex to get him hard.  That's what he dreams about after he's dominated his wife.  And that's what he wakes up chomping at the bit to do every single day of his life.  All that extra talk, those distractions?  Poof!  Gone.  Now the focus is on one thing and one thing only - making you regret ever opening your mouth.  You know what Peyton probably said to himself after he heard this?  "A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep."  Sound familiar?

If you don't feel like reading the whole article I'll paraphrase for you:

Sherman:  Hey Peyton, you throw ducks dude!

Peyton:  (chuckles condescendingly) Fucking A Right I do young fella'.  Ducks for yards, ducks for TDs, ducks that set records, ducks that win football games, you name it.  I'm a baaaaad motherducker bro.  Quack quack homie. ("suck it" motion; salutes; exits)

We Need to Talk About How Beyonce Gets Way Too Much Credit

So this is sort of out of the blue but what's with all of these chicks and being obsessed with Beyonce?  KFC from Barstool already blogged about this but I still don't fully get it.  Beyonce is an absolute TWELVE don't get me wrong - scalding hot, bootylicious dance moves, I'm told she's "fierce" as can be.  But I think people give her a little too much credit.  She puts on a good show and from the looks of it does everything else right, but in my eyes, in the "fierce" category, she's always going to be #2.  As dope as her dance moves are, they will always be second to my girl Shakira.  Always.

See, Beyonce comes out with new songs every other month so she's constantly in the spotlight soaking up the attention of the entire entertainment industry.  We never have a chance to forget about her so we marvel at her whole shtick every week of every month of every year, year in and year out.  Meanwhile Shakira comes out with new stuff every few years or so and leaves us drooling with our eyes popping out of our skulls for a solid 12 months.  Beyonce can booty shake with the best of 'em.  I cannot and will not ever try to argue against that.  But Shakira's hips and carnal gyrations are an entirely different level of sexuality. Nobody - and I mean nobody - thrusts like she does.  Literally mind-blowing stuff.  Like I can't physically watch a Shakira music video without immediately having to go masturbate after.  And now she's teaming up with Rihanna for a new fire flames banger that's guaranteed to be accompanied by a bonertastic music video where her body once again defies all logic?  Seriously, I just can't.





Welcome to GIF heaven.  In the immortal words of Big Cat, NBD but KBD.

Daryl Morey Says He's Kind of Proud That Royce White Might Be the Worst 1st Round Draft Pick Ever

(Source) - Royce White is the NBA draft's "worst first-round pick ever," according to the man who picked him.

Houston Rockets general manager Daryl Morey selected White with the 16th overall pick in the 2012 draft, but White has yet to appear in an NBA game.

"I take some sort of pride in that you could argue that Royce White is the worst first-round pick ever," Morey said in a Q&A discussion with Houston season ticket holders, according to the ClutchFans.net blog.

White, who is 6-foot-8, has struggled with an acknowledged anxiety disorder that would make it a challenge for him to play a full NBA season.

"He's the only one that never played a minute in the NBA that wasn't just a foreign guy staying in Europe," Morey said. "It just shows we swing for the fence."

Kind of have to hand it to Daryl Morey here.  The guy can flat out roll with the punches.

"Yeah I picked Royce White, the guy who's literally so petrified of stepping foot on an airplane that it's prevented him from playing a single NBA game...LOL that was silly of me. Jokes on you guys though because I'll always get credit for making the shittiest pick in league history so who's the loser now?"

*middle fingers to the sky*



Seriously though, it takes a special kind of dude to totally fuck up like that and then go out and snag a superstar like James Harden one year, Dwight Howard the next, and pick up two solid role guys/value pieces like Jeremy Lin and Omer Asik to boot.  Not to mention he made the Chandler Parsons pick, someone who is arguably the best value in all of sports at 38th overall in the second round.  When you clean up like that you've earned the right to brush off one of the fuck ups.  So dammit Daryl do you playa, go nuts, be proud as hell that you made worst pick ever.  In the long run,  it turns out the joke was on all of us puds who ever doubted your make-or-break riverboat gambling logic.  You're playing chess while the rest of us are stuck playing checkers.

Super Down-to-Earth and Not at All Delusional Lady Decides to Change Her Name to "Sexy"

(Source) - The name her parents gave her is so heinous, so cruel, that she rarely speaks it. It comes out of her mouth as a two-syllable shudder.

Sheila.

“I absolutely hate it,” Ranea Crabtree said. “I think it’s really ugly.”

Crabtree has gone by her middle name since she was a teenager, and now, as the mother of two teenage girls herself, she’s ready to dump Sheila. On Feb. 11, the Pataskala woman will stand in front of a Licking County judge and ask him to change her name to another S-word, one she likes much better.

Sexy. Yes. Sexy.

“I wear Victoria’s Secret clothes all the time,” said Crabtree, who doesn’t want you to know how old she is. “I was like, ‘Shoot, I’ll just go for Sexy.’”

Oh you don't like your first name and you wear Victoria's Secret clothes all the time?  Well then by all means please do change your name to 'Sexy', I'm surprised your parents didn't just name you that in the first place. Aside from the fact that Sheila here is clearly delusional and waaay too confident in herself, you know what really pisses me off about this?  Sheila is a normal fucking name!  It's not like your parents named you something weird like Apple, or gave you a clear stripper's name like Misty, Chastity, or Destiny.  Your name is fucking Sheila!  Millions of women walk around with the name Sheila and live their lives perfectly content with it.  Hell, I bet some of them even love the name.  But nope, you wear VS clothes so 'Sexy' it is.  

And what about all of the men of the world?  Are we just supposed to ignore the fact that the name is completely misleading and act like you're not totally bullshitting your face off with it?  Yeah right.  Oh and guys, Shiela doesn't want us to know how old she is.  Well guess what Shiela, I don't need the exact number because I can tell your age just from glancing at this hoity-toity little attempt at a glamour shot that you took: you're middle-aged, another not very "sexy" quality.  And I'm not afraid to say it - if you were a hard-bodied 20-something with big voluptuous titties and an ass I could bounce a quarter off of then I would 100% have no problem with this.  Sure I would still probably think you're a conceited, over the top hoebag, but at least then the name would make a little sense.  I can stand by a lot of fucked up things but false advertising?  No way bitch, there's just no way.

PS - I have a Nike hoodie that I wear all the time so everyone should probably call me "Swoosh" from now on.  Just ignore that I'm a skinny white dude who's average (at best) at basketball.  Swoosh it is.  Why you ask?  Because this is fucking America that's why.

Germans Trying to Blame a Barn on Cows and Their Farts

(Source) - A herd of dairy cows nearly lifted the roof off their barn in central Germany when methane released by the animals caused an explosion.

Police in Hesse state said in a statement that a static electric charge apparently triggered the detonation, and a spurt of flame, on Monday at a farm in Rasdorf. The roof was slightly damaged and one cow suffered light burns. No people were hurt.

Police say 90 cows are kept in the shed and it wasn't clear why quantities of methane had built up. Bovine belching and flatulence releases large quantities of the gas.




This is so typical of the Germans, these assholes absolutely refuse to take the blame for anything.  First everything wrong in the world was the Jews' fault, then it was the Hitler and the Nazis, now every time a barn explodes we should just blame the cows for burping and farting too much.  Hey Germany, guess what, cows have been farting for thousands and thousands of years and you don't hear about barns exploding anywhere else in the world.  Maybe just admit that you're too stupid to build a decent barn that doesn't blow up every time the herd gets a little gassy.  What's next, trying to blame Justin Timberlake and Usher for all of the teen pregnancy in the world because their music is "too sexy"*?   Give me a break, your country is 142 years old**.  It's time to grow up and learn to take some responsibility for yourself.










*Their songs honestly might have played a part in a solid 70% of teen pregnancies in America.  Like I truly believe that's a possibility.  You're going to sit there and tell me Lemme See by Usher didn't end up with any teenagers getting pregnant? Yeah...okay.

**Looked it up.

Arizona Animal Shelter Has a 36 Pound Cat Named Meatball

(Source) - An Arizona animal shelter has a rather large cat on its hands.

The Maricopa County Animal Care and Control recently received a 36-pound cat at one of its shelters in the Phoenix area.

The cat named "Meatball" is temporarily staying in an office at the shelter because he's too large to fit into a standard kennel.

The cat is not available for adoption.

Instead, the shelter is trying to place him with a rescue organization that helps overweight cats.

The shelter says Meatball is extremely friendly and says he can comfortably walk despite his weight.



I've said it before and I'll say it again: the only good cat is a dead one.  And if that seems too harsh then how about the only good cat is one that can actually walk around and do some things for itself.  Seriously, why hasn't Meatball been put down yet?  You're telling me that people are actually trying to help this thing lose weight?  Why would anyone do that?  Cats suck to begin with; standoffish and impersonal as fuck, moody, basically the stuck-up tightwad bitch of the domesticated animal kingdom.  And now we're supposed to help something that's not only guaranteed to be an asshole, but is also so irresponsibly gluttonous that it literally ate itself half to death?  No way, fuck that noise.  Fuck weight loss therapy, fuck Meatball getting his own special "kennel" aka taking an actual human being's office for himself, fuck all of it.  You know what would help Meatball?  A needle and some Simon and Garfunkel to play him out.

British Millionaire Divorces Wife Then Asks Her to be His Housekeeper

(Source) - A British millionaire who divorced his ex-wife and moved his new girlfriend into the house while she was still living there couldn't understand why she became "so aggressive" when he asked if she would work as his housekeeper.

The couple, whose names were withheld from British press because it was a private family court matter, were married in the late 1970s and divorced in the 90s.

Despite officially divorcing, the two continued to live in the same home until about five years ago, when the man moved his new girlfriend and her 12-year-old daughter into the house.

At that point, the man apparently asked his fifty-something ex-wife if she would continue living in the house in a new role — his housekeeper.

According to reports, "he could not come to terms with why she, through her lawyers, had become so aggressive."

On Wednesday, a judge ruled she was entitled to about $8 million — half of her ex-husbands estate.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this has to be the ballsiest thing I've ever heard of. Asking your bitter, pissed off ex-wife to keep living in the same house as you is one thing, but asking her to do it so you have someone to clean up after your new (younger?) girlfriend and her 12-year-old daughter is clinically psychotic.  This dude should consider himself lucky that he lives in England because if he tried to pull this little stunt in the good ol' U.S. of A I'm fairly certain his ex would have gone all Lorena Bobbitt and chopped his dick off or something.  There's just no fucking way that this goes down that smoothly in the States.  And if it was a black or latino ex wife?  Pff, game over pal. Losing your dick would be the least of your worries if you tried to pull this shit with Shadynasty or Lupita.  Immediate death, no question.  Those women straight up don't play that.  

But as for the judge ruling that she was entitled to 8 million dollars, how does he figure that?  The way I see it, this divorced old bird got to live rent free for a decade.  How is she entitled to anything?  Was she held captive?  Did he secretly tie her up in the basement and rape her, because I could see that being worth like $8 million.  Besides being a complete rube and keeping this bitch around the only other thing I see him doing is offering her a job, so what exactly is he guilty of?  Actually kind of seems like a pretty alright guy.

Let's try to break it down because I just want to make sure I have the whole thing straight:

• The couple divorces.
• Then, out of the goodness of his heart/thickness of his skull, the husband allows his ex-wife to continue living the lifestyle she had grown accustomed to in his home free of charge.  
• Then, because he's a rational adult (besides the whole asking his ex to live with him thing) and a millionaire with tons of options, he chose to move on with his life.  
• Years later, when he wanted his new life partner and her kid to move in, he didn't want to put out his weirdo creep ex-wife who for whatever reason is still cool with hanging around like the clingiest chick of all time. So instead he offers her employment as the housekeeper (kinda degrading but whatever) and the opportunity to stay.  
• Now he's out 8 million bucks. 

K, got it.  Makes total sense, glad we cleared that up.

The Biebs Just Turned Himself In to the Toronto Mounties on an Assault Beef

(Source) - Justin Bieber’s criminal problems just crossed the border.

The pop star turned himself in to Toronto cops Wednesday to face a charge in connection with an alleged assault on a limo driver in late December, according to reports.

Bieber, 19, will be charged at a local police station with a notice to appear at a later date, CBC News said a call to Toronto Police was not immediately returned Wednesday.

According to cops, a limo driver was driving a group that included the “Boyfriend” singer after they attended a Toronto Maple Leafs hockey game on Dec. 29.

“The limo driver called police saying he was assaulted by one of his fares, and his fare included the entourage of Justin Bieber,” Constable Victor Kwong with the Toronto Police Service previously told the Daily News.

Psh, a real rebel would have evaded the Mounties like a boss.  Seriously though, this is classic Biebs.  Do I actually think that he assaulted anyone?  Absolutely not, he's way too big of a pussy for that kind of stuff. The second this kid tries to physically confront an actual adult-sized person is the same second that he signs his own death certificate.  Plus if it actually was Bieber the limo driver would have said, "Yeah, it was that little fuck J Biebs and I want to sue him for millions of dollars," not "Yes, the Bieber was present at the time." But goddamn if this little cuntbag isn't PR savvy.  Recent arrest, the "Bad Boy Biebs" rumors are swirling about, Obama is reviewing some bullshit petition to get him deported - it's the perfect time to head back to Canada and take the rap for some trouble that one of his larger, rowdier secret bodyguard bros for sure started.  Biebs was probably in the back seat trying to decide whether or not he should wear his tight leather pants, baggy leather shirt, or both to the wild Canadian after party he was heading to and whether or not he should wear matching black earrings.  But with the whole big, bad Biebs rep in full swing he figured why not cash in?  Make the world think I'm trouble, let the ladies know I'm unpredictable, and on top of all that get my buddy off on charges. That's win, win, win.

PS - Why does Biebs flex as hard as he can every time he takes a picture?  Bro, we KNOW you're a tiny little pussnugget, you realize we have eyes right?  You don't need to keep flexing for our sake this isn't a Mr. Universe competition.  You're a pop singer dude, no one's expecting you to be a beast.

You Know How Florida is Ranked #3 Right Now? Yeah, Well They Just Got a Whole Lot Better

(Source) - Highly touted Florida Gators freshman Chris Walker has been cleared to play by the NCAA and will be eligible to make his collegiate debut Tuesday at home against Missouri.

The 6-foot-11 Walker, who was ranked 12th in the Class of 2013 by ESPN.com, has been in limbo since being admitted to Florida in December.

Walker has sat the last 12 games while the NCAA has investigated his amateur status.

The NCAA said in a statement that Walker received preferential treatment from five people -- including two agents. Walker will be required to donate the $270 he received from the agents to a charity, and will also serve 80 hours of community service for the remaining benefits received.

Walker is extremely talented and could wind up being a lottery pick, but Gators coach Billy Donovan has cautioned against expecting too much from the long and athletic big man.

The Gators already have veteran big men Patric Young and Will Yeguete. Expect Walker to fill a role for the Gators as a defensive-minded shot blocker who can come off the bench and add depth to the frontcourt.

Billy Donovan has "cautioned against expecting too much" from Chris 'Sky' Walker but fuck that noise.  I'm all about riding the hype train and when a freakishly athletic 6'11 All-American/Swagger Hound like Walker bursts onto the scene I take notice.  Now I'm not saying Florida needs him because they don't but if you don't think Walker is going to begin to log some serious minutes before the end of the season then you are outside of your mind.  Donovan is a great coach and he knows better than anyone that a guy like Walker can be a complete and utter savior come tournament time if something happens to one of your usual guys.  I'm not saying we can expect Julius Randle 2.0 down in Gainesville, but you can bet your ass that SkyWalker is going to be averaging about 20 or so minutes a game just in time to get a feel for the offense before March Madness.

PS - Umm Walker was under investigation for receiving money and cell phones and plane tickets, you name it.  When was the last time you knew a player like that to be comfortable with chilling on the bench and supporting the team as a role player?  Kid has superstar written all over him.

Newport Beach Bro Might Be the Worst Pet Owner of All Time

(Source) - A schoolteacher was arrested after police found more than 400 pythons inside his suburban home. Only two of the pythons were alive.

Police officers searched the home of William Buchman, a 53-year-old teacher at an elementary school in Newport Beach, California, after neighbors complained about a "god-awful" stench. In addition to the hundreds of dead snakes spread throughout the five-bedroom house, officers also discovered dozens of mice and rats.

"The smell alone — I feel like I need to take a shower for a week," Cpl. Anthony Bertagna said,according to the Associated Press. "They're pretty much in all the bedrooms — everywhere."

Neighbors believed someone might have died inside the house. "We thought someone was dead," Forest Long, who lives next door, told the Los Angeles Times. "We couldn't open up the bedroom windows. My wife started to gag and throw up."

The Longs suspect Buchman became lonely after the recent death of his mother. "We didn't see him much," Long said, adding that they called him the "rat man" because of the frequent deliveries of rodents to his home.

Authorities from animal control had previously tried to gain access to the home but Buchman refused. He faces several animal cruelty charges.


This is one instance where I'm actually happy that a person sucks at taking care of his pets.  400 snakes locked up in some suburban home is the definition of a horror movie waiting to happen.  The rest of the neighborhood is just lucky that William Buchman is too incompetent to keep these things alive.  I don't care how bad it smells, once animal control got in there and saw there were hundreds of snakes surrounding them, I'll bet any amount of money a huge sigh of relief spread throughout the room once they realized all but 2 were dead.  And for future reference Bill, maybe after failing 398 times it's time to give up on being a pet owner.  Pretty sure it's not really "your thing."  If you're going to be addicted to something take up porn or meth.  Bro, nobody wants to hang out with the guy who's addicted to hanging out with dead pythons.  No joke, I'd rather spend time down in Florida with a group of homeless guys on bath salts who haven't had a meal in days while wearing a taco suit than chill with some weirdo who locks himself up in his house with a bunch of fucking snakes and rats.  That's just a whole new level of strange.

Katy Perry "Finger Banged" Anna Kenrick's Boobies at the Grammy's

(Source) - Katy Perry finger-banged Anna Kendrick Sunday night and she liked it. Or so said Kendrick on Tuesday night's Conan.

The Pitch Perfect star sat down with Conan O'Brien and described her encounter with Perry at the Grammys. "Katy Perry finger-banged my cleavage. It was a weird night," Kendrick said. "She's very mature."

She attributed Perry's loving gesture to her risqué dress, "I was kind of asking for it," Kendrick explained. "If nobody had done it I would've been a little sad." She also added that she's met Perry before, "and she's aggressive. I like it."

You know what would have been great?  If we could have just watched Katy Perry finger-fuck Anna Kendrick's tits for three hours with Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons as the halftime show and Queens of the Stone Age for the big finish.  The rest of the show would just be us watching these two giggling and fondling each others' breasteses.  Maybe mix in a ten minute bra-and-pantie pillow fight somewhere.  Now that's a Grammys worth watching.

PS - Did anyone else notice that Perry wasn't dressed like she normally was?  And by that I mean she didn't have her sweater puppets popping out of the top of her shirt.  That just seems wrong.  Katy Perry not dressing slutty is like slapping God in the face.  I understand that she doesn't always want to be known as the perfect pair of supple breasts that pumps out fire jams on reg, but let's not forget what got you here Katy.  If you weren't too good for it when it was getting you famous in the first place then you're certainly not too good for it now.

Why Melo to the Bulls is Horrible for the Bulls

In the last couple days there have been a ton of rumors swirling around about Carmelo Anthony coming to the Bulls.  I'll be the first to say it, it's no secret that I can't stand the guy and I don't get why people continue to assume that adding him to their squad will automatically make it better.  Carmelo hasn't improved a team since his days at Syracuse and that's the fucking truth.  I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet because I could honestly talk for days about why I hate Melo's game so much, but I laid it out in my blog from a couple days ago so I'll keep the rambling to a minimum.  Yes, he brings scoring, but it comes at the expense of other good touches for the team.  He's going to get 20-30 point every single game but sometimes it comes on 9-28 shooting and other times he'll do it on 11-15.  People see these lights-out games and get caught up in them.  Don't.  

The number one reason why this guy coming to Chicago means we put our championship hopes on hold for awhile is because if Melo joins the team, Tom Thibodeau is most likely on the way out.  If I had a million dollars to bet on anything, I would bet it on the fact that Thibs has been lobbying with Gar Forman to please, please stop pursuing Anthony immediately.  Think of it this way, he is pretty much a mini Gregg Popovich in the sense that both employ very strict, very demanding systems on both offense and defense (especially on defense).  And if there are two things Carmelo has proven it's the fact that 1.) he can't play within a system (ex: in Denver under George Karl) and 2.) he doesn't give a shit about defense.  And in the last couple of seasons the Bulls have pulled off astounding records, especially given their lackluster level of talent and injury ridden rosters.  To me this says that Tom Thibodeau is one of the best coaches in the league and I think since Derrick Rose's injuries it's fair to make the argument that at this point he is the most valuable piece of our franchise .

Given the fact that Gar has basically shown he will go out of his way to piss off Coach Thibodeau, as he did with the firing of his best friend and top assistant Ron Adams, the smart money is on Melo coming to Chicago.  Unfortunately, that will most likely mean the last straw for the coach and once he starts complaining about the decisions being made, Forman will get rid of him; something that he's been wanting to do for some time now.  It's a repeat of Jerry Krause vs. MJ/Phil Jackson.  MJ and Phil were literally driven out of Chicago by Jerry Krause after their second three-peat.  Unbelievable.  And if Melo joins the Bulls and doesn't see a championship ring on his finger after a couple years, guess what?  He'll be out the door looking for the next big payday because that's just how Melo rolls.

Do NOT Ask Congressman Michael Grimm About His Campaign Finances

No seriously, don't fucking ask Michael Grimm about the allegations surrounding his campaign finances because he literally might throw you off a balcony or crack you in a half like a twig.  I got to admit I do feel bad for this reporter though, not because he got threatened or anything, just because now people are going to watch him being emasculated for the next month or so.  He's on film clearly being paralyzed by fear, standing frozen in place repeating "Why?" over and over like some sort of bumbling idiot.  Rough night for that guy.  Go to the State of the Union to talk to a few lame duck politicians and you end up having your life flash before your eyes because you forgot to vet the one dude you were going to ask a hard-hitting question to. That shit's on the internet now, bro, good luck living that down.

As far as Michael Grimm goes, turns out he's an ex-Marine that did a stint in Iraq during Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm so his threats are 100% valid.  I thought he was just another stereotypical hardo from Brooklyn puffing his chest out, talking shit to the skinny little nerd who can't defend himself. Nope, the man has legitimately killed people before and if you bring up his campaign finances he might be forced to do it again. Next time just ask Grimm about health care or something, throw him a softball.  Save the hard hitting questions for someone like Rep. John Dingell*.

*I have no idea who John Dingell is, I just googled "oldest serving congressman." He's 87 and even has a cane. Crazy old.  Definitely not the kind of guy who's about to throw anyone off a balcony.  Like if you asked me if there was any one person in the world that I think would spontaneously crack in half I would say it's going to be John Dingell.

Credit where credit is due though.  John's wife, Debbie, is about 30 years younger than him and actually ain't a bad looking older lady.  Dingell, you cheeky old fuck.





PS - Debbie is such a great wife/mom name. Deb, so hot right now Deb.