(Source) - A Florida man on trial for fraud has come up with a graphic defense — his sex tapes.
Rogerio Scotton, born in Brazil, is now representing himself against federal charges of mail fraud and immigration fraud after firing six defense attorneys in a row.
It's not clear what his defense against the mail fraud charges are, but Scotton says he's trying to introduce the tapes — purportedly made with his wife — to demonstrate that his marriage to her was real, and not merely a ploy to get permanent resident status.
When the judge advised Scotton she would need to hold a hearing to review the footage and photos and would prefer if he could reach a deal with the prosecution to avoid showing the jury, Scotton was happy to set her straight.
"Why is the privacy of my wife important at this point?" Scotton asked the judge. "I'm facing jail time."
What the hell is in the water down there in Florida? How is it possible that half of an entire state is completely fucked in the head? I've spent all my life thinking that people like the hillbillies in West Virginia and Southern Bible thumpers were the real loonies but maybe I've been giving them too much credit. Granted Rogerio Scotton was born in Brazil, but I think we all know what's really going on here - Florida took his fragile immigrant mind and turned him into some sex crazed, Peninsula-dwellling, homemade amateur porn enthusiast with a penchant for mail fraud. Poor fucking guy never had a chance. And not to add insult to injury or anything, but considering he's already fired his first six attorneys, I'm going to go out on a limb and assume things aren't going so great with the case.
The judge hands down has to be my favorite person in this whole twisted ordeal. Like she for sure knows that these tapes have no legal precedent in the case whatsoever but her perverted Florida brain is just chomping at the bit to get her hands on the good stuff. Now listen, I'm going to need to review this first, ya know, for my "research." *wink* Honestly, what do you think the chances are that she fingers herself like crazy to Rogerio's amateur goldmine and then immediately sends his ass straight to the slammer (but not before stealing a couple of her personal favorites from his collection)? A billion percent? Two billion?
And I love how he brings the tapes of him banging his wife's brains out into the courtroom to prove he really cares for her dearly and that their marriage is real and loving one and all that good stuff. But then once her privacy and personal feelings become a concern/possible roadblock in his testament, that whole loving husband ship sets sail pretty fast. Oh my wife? What? Her feelings and privacy? No way, fuck all that shit who cares what that bitch wants. Listen I'm in a real tight spot here so I'm going to need you to ignore her wishes and just go ahead and watch my goddamn porn.
PS - How do you even pick out the sex tapes you're going to give to the court? Do you just hand over the whole kit and kaboodle or do you go through hours upon hours of footage with a fine-toothed comb and pick out the really good stuff. Not going to lie, I feel like you have to do the latter. Pick videos where my dick looks big and shit, definitely the way to go in this type of situation.
PPS - I looked as hard as I could but I couldn't find Rogerio's personal guide to making homemade porn so I guess we'll just have to settle for this.
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