Gawker with a huge letdown

Gawker posted this article on its website earlier today and titled it "NYU Student Stuck Between Two Buildings Saved by James Franco."  Huge fucking letdown. Here's all you need to know about the story:

19-year-old NYU student Asher Vongtau is counting his blessings. Over the weekend, the Pittsburgh native fell from the roof of his Tribeca dorm, where he had been drinking, into the terrifyingly narrow space between the dorm and the adjacent building on Lafayette Street—and wasn’t discovered, thankfully alive, until 36 hours later. How did he survive the ordeal? His mother told told Trevor Kapp at DNA Info that actor and NYU grad James Franco played a role:

“He began to think about the movie where the guy chops off his arm,” she said of the flick“ 127 Hours” in which a mountain-climber played by James Franco severs his own trapped limb to escape death. “He thought, ‘Am I gonna have to do that?’ He thought about his family. He thought, ‘I’m not gonna give up.’ He just yelled for help as much as he could,” she said.

Fuck you Gawker, fuck you so hard for getting my hopes up.  Do you know what everyone thinks when they see this title? Here I am imagining Franco repelling down the side of a building into a dark urban crevice to saw some bro's arm off so he can pull him back to safety and you're pitching a story about some little hipster priss who doesn't have the common sense to watch his step when he's writing sonnets on the roof? The fuck outta my face Gawker, you meteoric cocktease.  Absolutely no excuse for this kind of irresponsibility.  This article isn't even blog worthy.  Sure maybe to make fun of dumbnuts who fell in between two buildings but besides that there is literally no other reason to even be talking about this.

And you know what, fuck Asher Vongtau too.  Oh thank god fucking Asher managed to delve into his vast fucking database of cinematic knowledge to realize that when you are trapped in between two buildings screaming for help is usually a good idea.  Yeah totally agree Mrs. Vongtau, really life-saving stuff in 127 Hours.  How else could your retarded son possibly have known to shout for help when in distress?  Hey Ash, here's a little tip.  Maybe next time you write poetry and slug cans of PBR on the roof of your dorm maybe be a bit more careful. Unless you are actually going to fully commit to the whole tortured soul role and jump off that building like a man, you should probably just stay away from roofs for awhile and go back to brooding or complaining about the lack of accountability in the government or whatever the fuck it is you hipster gremlins do nowadays.







Waste of a perfectly good wall.











"Watch my movies bro, you'll live longer."
                           
                                - James Franco