Over the weekend I was talking with my black buddy and we got on the topic of "black names." You know, the Jadeveons and JaMarcuses of the world. But it got me thinking, if my kid came out black for whatever reason, either I married a black chick (doubtful, but theoretically possible) or my kid inherited some long lost mega-tan pigmentation gene in my DNA, what would I name him? The question obviously applies for both black girls and boys, but for the sake of shortness I'm just going to hammer out a boy's name. Now there's the traditional ones like Jamaal and Marcus, but those are pretty fucking played out if you ask me. I could go with something traditional and just add La to it - LaMichael or LaGarrett. Andre would be great because it allows for the nickname Dre - pretty much the filthiest three letter name of all time. In terms of athletes there's plenty to choose from: Dez, Anfernee, and Joakim are all plus names. I could always just take the Dwyane Wade route and take a normal name but misspell it a little bit to show The Man what's what. Just be like hey, fuck you, yes I know how to spell it but I'm above that shit so deal with it. At the end of the day though I'm white, and technically my son will be somewhat white too, so that only leaves one obvious choice right? What I need is a name that sounds like its totally white, but is spelled like its totally black. Then it hit me, there's really only one option, courtesy of the NBA. Jrue. Sure it sounds like Drew no matter who's saying it, but is it Drew, one of the whitest names around? Is it really Drew at all? No chance idiot. Its JRUE, totally fucking different. So black, so sick. Welcome to the family Jrue Jones.
PS - If he has a sister then her name is 1,000% gonna be "Trew", just so I can be that guy. Hey society, check me out breaking all the rules over here
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