LA Times - Art Basel? Might as well call it Art Brutal after Barron Hilton, Paris Hilton's younger brother, was beaten up in the wee hours Friday at a house party related to the annual art event in Miami Beach.
Barron took it hard in the face, as can be seen in a picture he posted the next day on Instagram — a photo on which Paris reportedly commented, "They both will pay for what they did. No one ... with my family and gets away with it!"
And who would the "both" be? Apparently, Lindsay Lohan and Lohan friend Ray Lemoine, who are rumored to be linked to the beatdown. Lemoine reportedly had for a few days rented out the mansion where the party took place.
According to a police report obtained by the Associated Press, witnesses said a man told Barron to leave then hit him in the face with an object before fleeing in an SUV. Neither Hilton nor two witnesses could identify the attacker, the report said.
However, a rep for Lemoine told TMZ that Hilton started the scuffle by getting physical after refusing to leave the party at Lemoine's request. Which sort of outs Lemoine as the suspect, yes? Law enforcement sources told the website Monday that they had probable cause to make an arrest in the situation, and would probably do that soon.
Am I the only one who thought Paris Hilton was dead? Not like oh she fell off the face of the earth and is totally irrelevant, I'm talking dead dead. I've been walking around for like 2 years now making off-color jokes about Paris Hilton and how she died after of clubbing, doing a bunch of blow and getting behind the wheel of her car (but not before casually flashing the entire world her manicured cooter, goes without saying) and dying in a huge accident. Now she comes out of the depths of Hollywood's darkest, dingiest motel room and announces that not only is she alive but she's also in the Skank-Off of the Century with post-rehab (sober as a bird) Lindsay Lohan!? Oh fuck yes, this is gold.
Smart move by Hilton the Undead taking the mafioso approach. Telling Lohan she's gonna pay for what she did. Honestly what can you do to make that girl's life any worse? She's clearly an alcoholic and a drug addict, looks like she's clawing her way through her thirties rather than being a mid-twenty something chick, lost any and all offers she had because of her lack of talent/looks/coherence. Meanwhile, all along the way she's got bloodsucking paparazzi waiting to catch all of her mishaps on tape, which they do all the fucking time. Like does Lindsay Lohan even feel anymore? She's been so chewed up and spit out by modern society I wouldn't be shocked if she was just numb to it all at this point. Jesus dude now that I think about it poor fucking Lindsay Lohan, this chick needs a win like she needs oxygen/cocaine. Does that make me a hero....I really can't say, but yes.
PS - Best line of the article is "Barron took it hard in the face." Here's a picture of Barron Hilton...
I bet I can think of another thing that he's taken hard in the face, and in the butt.
PPS - If it suddenly came out that the Hilton family has just been sitting around banging each other all these years it wouldn't surprise me in the least. They just seem like the type of uppity, jaded snobs who could literally convince themselves to keep their specific bloodlines, just a family full of complete wackos.
Same goes for the Kardashians, except they're all so superficial that now they won't bang Rob anymore because he's such a chubby fucking sad sack, but that only leads to him stress eating and getting more and more paunch. Absolutely vicious cycle Rob Kardashian is in right now. Him and Lohan should team up, or not, whatever works.
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