Gawker - "The Toronto Police service is now in possession of a video digital file" with "images consistent with those reported in the press," Chief Bill Blair just said at a news conference being streamed here. In other words: The cops have the Rob Ford crack tape. Blair says he's "disappointed."
So I don't know if you remember but a few months ago the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, was basically accused of being a crackhead. I know, crazy right? Well, turns out its a billion percent true and the police have an actual tape of this butterball smoking the shit like its going out of style. Honestly I really don't give a fuck about this at all from a personal standpoint. Dude lives in Canada and governs a city about which I know absolutely nothing except that their basketball team is the Raptors, their hockey team is the Leafs, and their baseball team is the Blue Jays. Like if you legit walked up to me and asked me about Toronto I'd be able to name these three teams and the fact that the Toronto Police have a video of their mayor smoking crack. Boom, Toronto.
But what's really going on here? First of all, Rob Ford is basically the fattest crack addict of all time, that's the first mystery of this whole situation. How does someone who smokes that much crack, a drug literally known for making people rail thin and gaunt, look like a beardless Santa Clause. He's got color on his face, just enough perspiration to make him look a little shiny. Big, jolly fucker. Looks happy as shit. And he might suck dick for a rock every hear and there but that ain't gonna stop him from being successful as hell and running an entire city. Sure it's a Canadian city, but it's still kind of impressive. He's like a hyper scummy version of the Energizer bunny. Chubby, pinkish, lovable as hell. Just get a little crack in him and watch him go. Redefining all the fiendish stereotypes right before my eyes.
My second question is Toronto? Really? Canada? Toronto, Canada has a mayor on crack? Just doesn't make any sense to me. I guess I'm just shocked it wasn't Detroit. Like gun to my head if there's any one city in the world that probably has a mayor who is probably just casually smoking crack throughout the day, I'm saying Detroit every time. Kind of seems like a no brainer, right? City's bankrupt, everything is basically just rotting away, why not ease the pain with a couple rocks and a chickenhead or two? I guess you really do learn something new every day.
PS - Mounties are basically the most lax security force of all time. The Chief Mountie* just saw a tape of his mayor smoking crack and what does you have to say? "Disappointed, ay." Just really bummed out about the whole thing.
*probably not the technical term
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