Gawker - A man suspected of groping an Arby's drive-thru worker was tracked down by police after leaving behind an incriminating trail of curly fries. Police in Lancaster County were called to the scene of an alleged groping at an Arby's in East Lampeter Township last Wednesday night. The victim told officers she was manhandled by a driver as she leaned over to hand him his order.
The man, who appeared intoxicated, then drove away, but a description of his Toyota 4Runner led police to a nearby Travel Lodge. There, officers spotted "a trail of Arby's curly fries and sauce" that stretched all the way from the car, through the motel's hallway, to the suspect's room.
36-year-old James Cowan of Fitzgerald, Georgia, was subsequently arrested and charged with one count of indecent assault. He was released on his own recognizance after posting bail and is due back in court this Friday.
Always hate to see this happen. Guy just wanted some Arby's. Then next thing you know he pulls up to the drive-thru window, sees something he likes and what is he supposed to do, just grab his food and go? Fuck no, not James Cowan. Listen there's some people in this world who go through the motions and play the game, and then there's others who try to better their life with each opportunity they get. James Cowan is firmly a part of the latter. And if there is one thing that I know to be fact it is that the only thing better than fast food is fast food with a little titty on the side. And for a few brief moments James Cowan had pulled it off, a clean, mild groping and dinner to boot. Only way he could get caught identify the type of car he had (check) and confirm that you were recently at Arby's (checkmate).
Now you might be thinking about how dumb this guy is for leaving a literal trail of crumbs and Arby's sauce to himself but you need to remember something. Our boy James was riding high, adrenaline coursing through his veins, blood coursing to his penis. He wasn't thinking straight, plain and simple. Sometimes in that state of mind loose ends just don't get tied up. People get messy. And at some point or another it happens even the best criminals. It's a long fall from the top, and nobody knows that better than James Cowan
PS - Arby's is about as average as fast food can get. Honestly I think it's garbage but one of my buddy's threw a 20 minute rant about how good their curly fries are and since that is "half the meal" it means they're good. I don't even know what to fucking say about a person who considers fries to be half of a meal. Am I crazy here or does thinking that make you a complete lunatic?
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