I hear this song on the radio every 5 minutes so I had to take a look for myself to see what Bruno was fussing about. Not bad, kinda weird watching a tiny dude banging a total cow but whatever. Skip to :40 for the good stuff. Gets romantic around 2:00 and then a little weird* at 2:30.
Like everything in Hollywood the song is exaggerated. The real, raw stuff that is going on isn't nearly as sensual and sexy as Mars would makes it seem. I mean there is a lot going on don't get me wrong but I was expecting some chest beating, maybe a little power struggle. None of that. Zilch. So is it as intense and weird as I thought it would be? No, not quite. But am I still incredibly aroused by it? You bet your sweet ass I am.
PS - I'm walking a fine line here between curious researcher and bestiality enthusiast. Is it still bestiality if it's two animals and I'm watching? Lotta questions with this one.
Gawker - "The Toronto Police service is now in possession of a video digital file" with "images consistent with those reported in the press," Chief Bill Blair just said at a news conference being streamed here. In other words: The cops have the Rob Ford crack tape. Blair says he's "disappointed."
So I don't know if you remember but a few months ago the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, was basically accused of being a crackhead. I know, crazy right? Well, turns out its a billion percent true and the police have an actual tape of this butterball smoking the shit like its going out of style. Honestly I really don't give a fuck about this at all from a personal standpoint. Dude lives in Canada and governs a city about which I know absolutely nothing except that their basketball team is the Raptors, their hockey team is the Leafs, and their baseball team is the Blue Jays. Like if you legit walked up to me and asked me about Toronto I'd be able to name these three teams and the fact that the Toronto Police have a video of their mayor smoking crack. Boom, Toronto.
But what's really going on here? First of all, Rob Ford is basically the fattest crack addict of all time, that's the first mystery of this whole situation. How does someone who smokes that much crack, a drug literally known for making people rail thin and gaunt, look like a beardless Santa Clause. He's got color on his face, just enough perspiration to make him look a little shiny. Big, jolly fucker. Looks happy as shit. And he might suck dick for a rock every hear and there but that ain't gonna stop him from being successful as hell and running an entire city. Sure it's a Canadian city, but it's still kind of impressive. He's like a hyper scummy version of the Energizer bunny. Chubby, pinkish, lovable as hell. Just get a little crack in him and watch him go. Redefining all the fiendish stereotypes right before my eyes.
My second question is Toronto? Really? Canada? Toronto, Canada has a mayor on crack? Just doesn't make any sense to me. I guess I'm just shocked it wasn't Detroit. Like gun to my head if there's any one city in the world that probably has a mayor who is probably just casually smoking crack throughout the day, I'm saying Detroit every time. Kind of seems like a no brainer, right? City's bankrupt, everything is basically just rotting away, why not ease the pain with a couple rocks and a chickenhead or two? I guess you really do learn something new every day.
PS - Mounties are basically the most lax security force of all time. The Chief Mountie* just saw a tape of his mayor smoking crack and what does you have to say? "Disappointed, ay." Just really bummed out about the whole thing.
Pitbull ft. Ke$ha - Timber. Audible fire, only way to describe this one.
My ears are on fire right now. And listen, I hate Pitbull just as much as the next guy but you've got to give credit where its due, nobody does more with less. Short, chubby, albino Cuban with zero talent who still slays pussy and parties like an absolute rock star every single day of the week. What I really hate is how much I respect him.
Gawker - Citing its sexually suggestive nature, Aliso Niguel High School in Southern California has officially banned twerking from campus and all school dances: "Twerking now joins 'freaking' and 'grinding' as prohibited dances at the Orange County school."
This blows my mind. Basically this Orange County high school is trying to act like they're the fucking town from Footloose, banning dancing and shit because of some traumatic event (lil' hoochie mamas having bastard babies) Where the hell does a school get the nerve to ban a type of dancing. Like your parents thought rock and roll was shit and that image was bad for you but guess what? You grew up and became adults, as people have been doing for thousands of years and will continue to do for thousands more. Are girls twerking going to give tons of dudes raging boners? Absolutely 100% yes. But is some stupid dance fad going to lead to a break in the moral fabric of society? No, get the fuck out of my face with all these rules and regulations on how we can move our genitals. If I want to grind my wiener into a consenting lady's dumper then who the fuck are you to say I can't? Do you ladies, I say pop those pussies and be proud of it!
PS - Teen pregnancy has been around for a long time. No fucking dance move or type of music is causing some drastic shift in teenagers getting horny and knockin' boots. There's this thing called puberty, it's kind of famous for making kids get boners, ever heard of it?
1.) Louisville is still one of the best teams in the country
Don't expect the losses of Gorgui Dieng and Peyton Siva to slow down the Cardinals much this year. Rick Pitino is more than just a animal at life. He also happens to be one of the best coaches in college basketball, something that he's proven time after time for the last couple decades. Look for Junior guard Wayne Blackshear to step up and take on more of a scoring role this year in addition to being an already solid wing defender. With Siva gone, Russ Smith is going to run the point more than he used to. The Cardinals offense might look a little out of rhythm at the beginning of the season, but expect them to make another run in the tournament.
2.) Kentucky is absolutely stacked. Believe the hype.
Hey John, how many rings will you have after this season? It's amazing to think that as good of a team as the reigning champion Louisville Cardinals are, they still are not even the best team in the state of Kentucky. Unbelievable. Some people hate John Calipari because of the way he runs his team, recruiting studs to come play for a year and then blow out of town come time for the NBA draft, but honestly he recognized a way to win games and it's already brought him a championship ring. It also puts a ridiculous amount of basketball talent on the floor together, which only means I'm going to see a show. Definitely not about to get mad about that. On top of keeping Alex Poythress and Willie Cauley-Stein, Coach Cal managed to bring in 6 of the top 25 players in the 2013 class, and 5 OF THE TOP 10. Among those are the Harrison twins, both guards; Andrew is a 6'5 PG with a ridiculous handle for a big guy and he has very strong court vision. His identical twin brother Aaron is a 6'5 SG that can slash and finish at the rim. He's fairly strong from mid-range but his outside shot could use some work. Andrew is the better of the two, lottery pick for sure. And then there's Julius Randle who is an absolute manchild. A 6'9 250 lb. PF, he's athletic, he's physical, and he's learning about the finesse of the game and becoming a better jump shooter. Kentucky just has too much. Too much talent, too much depth, too much swagger. National champs or bust. Anything less than a second ring for Coach Cal is an utter disappointment.
3.) The Big Ten is Going to be stacked with good teams, deal with it
ESPN has 5 Big Ten teams in the top 25 preseason but honestly I see 7 good teams, 6 of which I see finishing ranked. The only problem with the Big Ten this year is going to be the fact that all these teams will be beating up on each other all year. Iowa is better than people are giving them credit for. They brought in Peter Jok for extra scoring and already have an established cast that is very comfortable playing together. The Hawkeyes are a top 20 team, book it. And on top of that, I'm saying that they will make a run at the Big Ten championship. Michigan State is the undisputed leader, Ohio State always seems to disappoint, Wisconsin is Wisconsin and is good enough to finish ranked 15-25 in whatever sport because they have a smart, predominantly white team that works well within their specific system, basically being boring as fuck like always. Indiana lost a lot with Oladipo and Zeller leaving, something I doubt they can overcome.
That's basically what I've got so far, I'll have more once the season gets started.
Send out the smoke patrol on Michigan's new Great Lakes jerseys. Hot Michigan. Real hot. The little 'Design Junkie' thing in the corner makes me wonder if these are real but whatever. Ogle away dudes.
PS - I wanted to say this picture is Erie and make a Great Lakes themed joke but I thought that might blow too many minds. You're welcome for the self restraint.
Every time "Burn" comes on gonorrhea just pops into my head. Am I the only one? Like it's a mortal lock that I'm thinking of gonorrhea if this song is on. At the same time, I'm conflicted because the song is absolute fire. Anyone who isn't deaf could tell you that. But now I'm constantly thinking about gonorrhea and why it's called "the clap"*, not exactly fun shit to have on the brain.
*They used to fucking SMASH your penis on both ends to clear out all the puss. Absolutely horrifying shit. Puke City. Makes my dick shrivel up just thinking about it. Poor little guy.
Gawker - A man suspected of groping an Arby's drive-thru worker was tracked down by police after leaving behindan incriminating trail of curly fries. Police in Lancaster County were called to the scene of an alleged groping at an Arby's in East Lampeter Township last Wednesday night. The victim told officers she was manhandled by a driver as she leaned over to hand him his order. The man, who appeared intoxicated, then drove away, but a description of his Toyota 4Runner led police to a nearby Travel Lodge. There, officers spotted "a trail of Arby's curly fries and sauce" that stretched all the way from the car, through the motel's hallway, to the suspect's room. 36-year-old James Cowan of Fitzgerald, Georgia, was subsequently arrested and charged with one count of indecent assault. He was released on his own recognizance after posting bail and is due back in court this Friday. Always hate to see this happen. Guy just wanted some Arby's. Then next thing you know he pulls up to the drive-thru window, sees something he likes and what is he supposed to do, just grab his food and go? Fuck no, not James Cowan. Listen there's some people in this world who go through the motions and play the game, and then there's others who try to better their life with each opportunity they get. James Cowan is firmly a part of the latter. And if there is one thing that I know to be fact it is that the only thing better than fast food is fast food with a little titty on the side. And for a few brief moments James Cowan had pulled it off, a clean, mild groping and dinner to boot. Only way he could get caught identify the type of car he had (check) and confirm that you were recently at Arby's (checkmate). Now you might be thinking about how dumb this guy is for leaving a literal trail of crumbs and Arby's sauce to himself but you need to remember something. Our boy James was riding high, adrenaline coursing through his veins, blood coursing to his penis. He wasn't thinking straight, plain and simple. Sometimes in that state of mind loose ends just don't get tied up. People get messy. And at some point or another it happens even the best criminals. It's a long fall from the top, and nobody knows that better than James Cowan
PS - Arby's is about as average as fast food can get. Honestly I think it's garbage but one of my buddy's threw a 20 minute rant about how good their curly fries are and since that is "half the meal" it means they're good. I don't even know what to fucking say about a person who considers fries to be half of a meal. Am I crazy here or does thinking that make you a complete lunatic?
FoxSports - During the gameTexas A&Mplayed a video on the stadium Jumbotron and asked players who they'd most like to party with. As usual, Manziel didn't disappoint with his answers.
What three people would Johnny Manziel most like to party with? Charlie Sheen, Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski and Tiger Woods.
This list of people is the first time I've ever had a problem with Johnny Manziel. Bro, Tiger Woods? Like I get that he fucked a few pornstars and his sex life is a whole new level of pervert but at the end of the day Tiger Woods is still basically a nerd. He talks like a nerd, he walks like a nerd, he just happens to be one with hundreds of millions of dollars and a crazy filthy sexual appetite, and chances are you're not going to get to see that side of him because that happens behind closed doors*.
At the same time, I really don't have a problem with picking Gronk and Charlie Sheen. Gronk absolutely parties his face off and bitches flock to him wherever he goes. Sheen has proven for decades that he can and always will be able to party with the best, inhaling unparalleled mountains of coke that would normally be enough to kill a rhinoceros and somehow defies all odds and continues to live. Yeah being crazy addicted to drugs isn't exactly "cool" but there's just something about that level of tolerance that I can't help but marvel at.
The only problem I have with this list is dorky fucking Tiger and who he should undoubtedly be replaced by. Any self-respecting male should include Bill Murray on this list. He's just too cool, too iconic, too fucking likable to not put him on this list. Casually spends his days just hanging out with random people, fucking with strangers, smoking weed and just being the GOAT in general. He's a real-life, mega successful version of The Dude. Bill Murray. Absolute must have.
PS - Aside from Bill Murray I'd honestly probably rather hang out with Johnny Manziel more than anyone else. Kid murders life on a daily basis.
*in the sex dungeon he undoubtedly has somewhere in the deep, dark corners of his basement
2. Love this walrus embracing the funny, lovable chubby guy role. To all the other walruses out there, this is how you make something out of nothing. Completely changed any and all perceptions I had about these fat fuckers. A++
PS - Do walruses do mustache rides? They basically have to right? If this isn't the face of someone that muff dives on a regular basis then I don't what is.
Just The U doing it up big per usual. Bringing the snake it till you make it mentality to a whole new level. A lot of people forget that a few years ago the NCAA was considering giving Miami football the death penalty after a former booster, one who created a $930 million Ponzi scheme, brought a truckload of evidence forward against his alma mater after he got pissy about his old pals not visiting him in federal prison. Then Jerry Sandusky happened and Miami all of the sudden looked like a team full of good, wholesome Christians. I FUCKING LOVE THIS. The U breeds talent and embraces the thug mentality. They completely redefined college football in the late 80s and into the 90s and made it about entertainment and giving the fans what they want - a fucking show. Honestly the entire idea of "swag" may very well have been bred in 1990s Coral Gables. Just the cockiest bunch of go-hards college football has ever seen.
For years, the boys in green and orange have clearly been breaking rules, but the NCAA couldn't catch these sneaky little bastards on a damn thing until Shapiro came forward with all his shit. And then, right when they're on the chopping block and things are starting to look bleak, boom! Kid diddler at Penn State, Miami who? Two years later and they finally get hit with a few lost scholarships here, a slap on the wrist there, pretty much nothing. Some things are just unstoppable forces of nature, with a swagger all their own that somehow manages to lay an ass whooping on any and all that stand in their way. Turns out Hurricanes just happen to be one of those things. Just a heads up for the NCAA, don't try to control the U and keep their players from living like rock stars and shredding vagina throughout their college years. That's a battle you are going to lose 100% of the time.
If turning your beard into a rim for a Cavs game and wearing a nylon necklace to create the full illusion of having a basketball hoop on your face is wrong then I don't want to be right.
PS - Mustache belt buckle ties it all together. Hot fire. Real hot.
For anyone who actually follows Barstool, you know Lauren Hanley. You know what, no, let me rephrase that. You don't know Hanley, you drool over her scalding in your face, just don't give a fuck hotness. Welp after doing boners for Hanley for months now, she's gone and done the unthinkable. Out of nowhere she decided my dick wasn't worth the time and effort and shoves a big, fat "fuck you" right in my eyeball. Bam, Criss Angel fan. Dick as soft as a warm pretzel.
How? How is it even possible to like Criss Angel? I feel like every year he's the runner up for worst person on the planet, constantly finishing behind people like Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. Hell, last year I'm pretty sure he finished second in a neck and neck race between him and the Westboro Baptist Church.
So Lauren, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is I've officially unfollowed you on Twitter so I never have to see you say anything this offensive ever again. The good news is that after creeping through your pictures for 5 seconds your boob crease made me forget what I was mad about. Blows my mind how she works me up and calms me down so effortlessly. I guess that's just what love is all about. A little give, a little take, and you shoving your titties in my face to make it all better. Nobody said long distance relationships with girls you've never met and stalk on social media were easy.
PS - If it comes down to a Slim v. DaddyDickBagel fight to the death I don't hate my odds
Every time I drink coffee, it straight flushes me out. I'm not talking "Oh yeah, coffee makes everyone poop, I get that too." We're talking about some serious shit. Firecracker farts, little turds firing out of my dumper like a Gatling gun. This isn't one trip to the bathroom, maybe two. My bowels mean business. Got to have at least 3 hours set aside within leaping distance to a bathroom. I pop off 4-5 of these bad boy and call it a day. Plus, I've legitimately convinced myself that the clenching makes my core strong as fuck, it's how I make staying in shape with no clear fitness regiment look so effortless. Want a tight bod? Just slam 3 lattes, chain smoke a few cigarettes, plant yourself on a toilet seat and power dump the calories away.
DS - Welp. That didn't take long. Greg Oden only took part in his first five-on-five drill with the Heat on Monday, but he had to be held out of practice today because of swelling in his left knee.ESPN's Brian Windhorstcalls it a "slight setback," but it still can't be good news for a guy whose knee troubles have kept him from playing in the NBA since the 2009-10 season Remember: The Heat's trainers are measuring Oden's kneesbefore and after every workout to test for swelling, a pretty good indication that his odds are as long as his joints are brittle. Oden tried to be upbeat when talking to reporters, saying "as long as it's no surgery, it's OK." Which, at least for him, must count forsomething. For all you Miami Heat fans out there (I hate all of you), this is Greg Oden. This is what you paid for. Even if Oden did manage to squeeze in a couple games, his knees have just flat out proven that they can't hold up to the grind of an NBA season. At some point or another they're just going to give out for him. What you invested in is a guy who used to have tons of promise and all of the intangibles. Even now, if by some miracle Oden did manage to stay healthy for the entire year, he wouldn't be able to play extended minutes and after four knee surgeries would be lucky if he was half of the athletic specimen he once was. Oh and keep in mind that old Greg still only has 82 NBA games under his belt, which makes him about as used to playing this high level of competition as much as a second year player. Is he a body? Yes without doubt, but that's only if he can stay healthy, something which he has failed to do up until this point. And now you expect him to come into a team that likes to run and push the ball meaning even more wear and tear on his glass knees? Not ideal for an ogre in his condition.
Zack Greinke might be the most chill mammajamma on the planet. CaliSwag weighing him down. So fucking aloof.
PS - I want the Dodgers to win, Puig is built for playoff baseball and Ramirez and Gonzalez seem like they're starting to swing the bat better than at the beginning of the series. Kershaw up next, not someone you would typically bet against.
CBS Sports - New York Knicks forward Carmelo Anthony said in a recent interview that he wants to opt out of the final year of his contract this summer and test free agency.
"I want to be a free agent," Anthony told the New York Observer. "I think everybody in the NBA dreams to be a free agent at least one time in their career. It's like you have an evaluation period, you know. It's like if I'm in the gym and I have all the coaches, all the owners, all the GMs come into the gym and just evaluate everything I do. So yes, I want that experience."
This move is so Carmelo Anthony it hurts. At this point I honestly don't get Carmelo Anthony supporters. If you just like watching him shit on people and rain buckets then I get that, but if you legitimately want him on your team? Absolutely not, 'Melo's proven time and again that he's poison for a basketball team. He wants touches, he wants to put up a million shots and pad his stat line. He is just completely lacking in team mentality. On top of all that, he quite possibly tries even less than Carlos Boozer on defense. Just awful.
I wonder what teams 'Melo dreamed about being traded to or signed by as a free agent when he was a kid. Because everybody dreams to be free agents, gotta get paid son! I can just picture it, little 5 year old Carmelo bartering with stuffed NBA mascots about who's going to give him a bigger bonus upfront. No doubt Benny the Bull won out 9 times out of 10. Such a boss.
PS - Dwight Howard and the entire Miami Heat team are still light years ahead in hateability. Fact. If you disagree then you're a straight pud.
In a few short months I'll be done with college and it's going to be time for me to enter the professional world. Here's the thing though, I really don't want to. Like I get that that's what people do after college, maybe some grad school, but I really don't think that's for me. I like sitting around doing nothing. I'm good at it, like chillaxing heavyweight champion of the world good. My ability to sit around and do nothing and be totally and completely content with every aspect of my life, despite knowing full well the ramifications it has on my health and overall social development, is absolutely unprecedented. So lately I've been trying to think of jobs that I could make up and claim for myself for work after college. Here's what I've come up with:
The NFL kind of runs itself like a government of sorts, it governs the players and the game and every aspect of everything happening. The owners have their say, the players do, the coaches, everyone. But am I so ridiculous in thinking that eventually some clever little devil is eventually going to create a Fan aspect of the NFL Commission? Is it that crazy? England has the House of Commons, we have the House of Representatives and the voted in Senate. Why shouldn't the fans have a say in the NFL and the way it carries its business? We're the driving force behind it, shoveling more and more money into their pockets with each passing year. Is this something I can invent and then basically sit on my ass and profit from? NFL are you interested? Am I qualified? Oh I don't know, is watching both college and professsional football on TV for my entire life enough experience for you? That's what I thought. Salary wouldn't be an issue, I'd work cheap. $50 a day with donuts in the morning and a sandwich for lunch and you've got yourself a fucking deal. Snake it till you make it, only way to live.
Last night Kanye West went on Jimmy Kimmel to discuss the trials and tribulations of being a celebrity. How it's just such a rough life living in the spotlight, comparing the life of a celebrity to that of a caged animal in a zoo. Couldn't agree more, 100% makes sense. Only one difference though, Kanye. The zoo isn't paying the lions and zebras millions of dollars to be there. You, on the other hand, are literally handed cash; endorsements, free clothes/trips/girls/food/booze/drugs, anything you want you are spoon-fed. You're a spoiled little rich girl and you're going to sit here and bitch and moan about how rough your life is? Boo fucking hoo, you poor baby. Forgive me, but it's not exactly easy sympathizing with someone who, just a few months ago, was basically calling themselves a demi-god. Sure Yeezus essentially considers himself a deity, and he tells everybody that he is, and he raps about how important and influential he is and how everyone should listen to everything he says, but seriously guys let's lay off with the pressure. Can he get some privacy? We're making his life rough, it's not like he's totally bringing any of this shit on himself.
Also, where did I ever get the nerve to say the Kanye-Kimmel Twitter fight was fake!? Yeezus don't fuck around with publicity stunts, hell no! He ain't fake! Did he talk like an educated human being for the first 3 years of his career, then have it shift to preachy, narcissistic thug, and now have it shift a third time to 16 year old pubescent mathlete? Sure, but that's not fake, that's not a stunt, that's just the natural progression of his voice. Him telling off Taylor Swift onstage wasn't for attention you guys, it was necessary. Don't you get that? Kanye's just being Kanye, real as ever. Only now he's soft as baby shit and likes to cry about his feelings to anyone who will listen. Different, sure, but still totally the same old Mr. West.
PS - If you think Kanye is "real" you're a clown. Guy is a one-man gimmick factory. Fact.
So this little bitch right here is Lorde. She made the song Royals, which if you haven't heard it you're a fucking hermit dingus who probably hasn't seen light in whatever a fortnight is. Either that or you're above the age of 40 which still shouldn't even matter but whatever. Yeah well this chick has a couple other fire songs too. And on top of that shit, she is about to release her second album. Listen babe, I get that you wanna be a fucking rock star, I'm totally ok with that, but could you wait a couple years before you throw your fucking talent in my face again. Come on dude, have a heart, let the rest of us catch up a little. You know, make adjustments? Maybe achieve some semblance of accomplishment in out own lives before you come out and effortlessly sell out stadiums and pile up cash. Just please slow it down just a little, I'm asking as a friend*.
ESPN Chi - Derrick Rose was not bold enough to say he would beat Michael Jordan in a game of one-on-one, but if they played, the current Chicago Bulls star was confident that the former one would feel it. "I'm a guy where if he was about to win the game, he for sure would be beat up after the game," said Rose, who is set to play in his first preseason game Saturday at Indiana after missing all of last season with a knee injury. "It was going to be a hard-played game even if he was going to post me up the whole time or whatever. I was going to foul him the whole game." Fucking Derrick Rose. This is the kind of shit I love to hear. Everybody in basketball talks about how the game is so much softer and none of these guys are willing to give/take contact and its 100% true. They all argue about who could play back in the Dream Team days of the 90s with guys like Jordan, Barkley, and Olajuwon. People bring up Carmelo, Lebron, Kobe. But no one ever seems to throw D-Rose into that mix and I'm left sitting here wondering why the hell not? Does he think he can beat Jordan? Fuck no, of course not, but he thinks he can at the very least beat Jordan up on the court. No one's questioning these guys physical abilities, they just flat out don't have the will and mindset to hang around with the 90s guys. No free buckets, Derrick gets it. In a league that's becoming more and more about finesse with each passing season it's good to have a team like the Bulls around. A throwback to the golden age of basketball when players literally clawed their way across the court, scraping for points. Jordan puking in a bucket, Bird basically playing without a back, every game was an absolute fucking dogfight. The Bulls proved they've got the attitude and tools to make playoffs run, they just happened to be short a superstar. Not anymore. If "No Free Buckets" doesn't work out as the new team motto, there's always plan B.
DS - It's not just Twitter bluster; 49ers safety Donte Whitner says he's filed the necessary paperwork to have his last name officially changed to Donte Hitner
The hard-hitting defender told 49ers.com that "I sent [the petition] to my lawyer and he filed it for me in Ohio," where Whitner maintains residence.
ESPNChi - Chicago Bulls superstar Derrick Rose has his mental edge back. After sitting out all of last season while rehabbing from a torn ACL injury he suffered on April 28, 2012, Rose looks -- and sounds -- like a man who is ready to prove all his critics wrong.
While discussing what it will mean to him to be back on the floor against a different team in Saturday's preseason opener against the Indiana Pacers, the former MVP said it doesn't matter who he is playing, he would approach the game the same way.
"I'm a guy where whoever's on the court I'm going to go at them," Rose said. "If it's my teammates, it could be my mom on the court, she's going to get killed. I could care less who [is out there]. For me, I'm just trying to build that mentality where I don't care who's out there, I'm going to play the same way."
For those of you who don't know what this picture is, it's D-Rose doing the same thing he does right before every home game at the United Center: blowing a kiss to his mom. This is the same mom he seemingly can't do a single interview without mentioning, the same mom that he refused to take his MVP trophy picture without. If there is one thing that you can say about Derrick Rose (besides the fact the he's an absolute basketball God), the guy is a straight up momma's boy through and through, no bones about it. Like you know those little baby monkeys that get snatched up from sucking their mother's titty milk in the jungle and then get thrown into a zoo? Well, they have less separation anxiety from their moms than Derrick Rose does. And right here he's basically saying, "Yeah I fucking love my mom to death, that's my main bitch, but if she gets between me and a championship then I'm going to run her the fuck over. Nobody is going to get in my way."*
Basically he's saying he'd sell his soul to the devil to win a championship for this city. How can you not fucking love Derrick Rose? Chatter about him has settled down with the Hawks winning the Stanley Cup and now the solid start to the Trestman-era Bears and we haven't heard as much about Derrick as we normally would. It honestly feels like a lot of people in Chicago have forgotten he's the youngest MVP ever. But the fact that Chicago's top athlete is still hungry to prove that he can do more means nothing but great things for this team and this city. If you're not a Bulls fan that's fine, you don't have to cheer for them. Just do yourself a favor and don't bet against them this year.
*paraphrased a little bit
October 29th in Miami cannot get here soon enough. Cue the tape.
Only one word on the mind of every Hawks player this season: repeat. Honestly have expectations ever been this high for a Blackhawks team? They're young, they're fast, and they only continue to improve year after year. Quenneville has proved himself time and again to be one of the best coaches in the league and always manages to get the most out of each line. Patrick Kane put up MVP numbers last year and as long as he stays healthy I don't see why he can't top 100 points for the first time in his career. Oh, and what are the chances Kaner's mullet comes back in full force for the playoffs, like a billion percent?
It might sound like I'm sucking off the Hawks here but if we're being completely honest is there anyone that can stop us in a seven game series? Like honestly? Maybe the Penguins, maybe. But that's only assuming they don't fold in the playoffs. It's also assuming Sid the Kid doesn't do his best impression of Samuel Jackson in Unbreakable. The guy's made of straight up glass, facts are just facts.
A couple days ago the Cubs got rid of manager Dale Sveum. Honestly it was a move I thought was completely warranted, and one that I expected the club to make. Sure Sveum had a rough task trying to fill out a roster and win games while the Cubs were shipping out their better talent to bring in young, promising prospects. Bottom line is this: no matter how shitty your team is, if you're a former hitting coach and your best hitter's average goes from .300 to .280, and then dips even further the next year to around .240 then you're just not getting the job done and a change needs to happen, plain and simple. Now if only we could get Girardi to remember he was born and raised a Cubs fan, went to college in Chicago, and was drafted by them to start his career, then we'd be golden.
PS - I'd be lying if I didn't say I thought this job deserved to go to Ryne Sandberg. Pretty upsetting the way the organization dismissed one of its all time greats.
