Economic recession who?

In a few short months I'll be done with college and it's going to be time for me to enter the professional world. Here's the thing though, I really don't want to. Like I get that that's what people do after college, maybe some grad school, but I really don't think that's for me. I like sitting around doing nothing. I'm good at it, like chillaxing heavyweight champion of the world good. My ability to sit around and do nothing and be totally and completely content with every aspect of my life, despite knowing full well the ramifications it has on my health and overall social development, is absolutely unprecedented. So lately I've been trying to think of jobs that I could make up and claim for myself for work after college. Here's what I've come up with:

The NFL kind of runs itself like a government of sorts, it governs the players and the game and every aspect of everything happening. The owners have their say, the players do, the coaches, everyone. But am I so ridiculous in thinking that eventually some clever little devil is eventually going to create a Fan aspect of the NFL Commission? Is it that crazy? England has the House of Commons, we have the House of Representatives and the voted in Senate. Why shouldn't the fans have a say in the NFL and the way it carries its business? We're the driving force behind it, shoveling more and more money into their pockets with each passing year. Is this something I can invent and then basically sit on my ass and profit from? NFL are you interested? Am I qualified? Oh I don't know, is watching both college and professsional football on TV for my entire life enough experience for you? That's what I thought. Salary wouldn't be an issue, I'd work cheap. $50 a day with donuts in the morning and a sandwich for lunch and you've got yourself a fucking deal. Snake it till you make it, only way to live.

Let's talk about Kanye West for a minute

Last night Kanye West went on Jimmy Kimmel to discuss the trials and tribulations of being a celebrity. How it's just such a rough life living in the spotlight, comparing the life of a celebrity to that of a caged animal in a zoo. Couldn't agree more, 100% makes sense. Only one difference though, Kanye. The zoo isn't paying the lions and zebras millions of dollars to be there. You, on the other hand, are literally handed cash; endorsements, free clothes/trips/girls/food/booze/drugs, anything you want you are spoon-fed. You're a spoiled little rich girl and you're going to sit here and bitch and moan about how rough your life is? Boo fucking hoo, you poor baby. Forgive me, but it's not exactly easy sympathizing with someone who, just a few months ago, was basically calling themselves a demi-god. Sure Yeezus essentially considers himself a deity, and he tells everybody that he is, and he raps about how important and influential he is and how everyone should listen to everything he says, but seriously guys let's lay off with the pressure. Can he get some privacy? We're making his life rough, it's not like he's totally bringing any of this shit on himself.

Also, where did I ever get the nerve to say the Kanye-Kimmel Twitter fight was fake!? Yeezus don't fuck around with publicity stunts, hell no! He ain't fake! Did he talk like an educated human being for the first 3 years of his career, then have it shift to preachy, narcissistic thug, and now have it shift a third time to 16 year old pubescent mathlete? Sure, but that's not fake, that's not a stunt, that's just the natural progression of his voice. Him telling off Taylor Swift onstage wasn't for attention you guys, it was necessary. Don't you get that?  Kanye's just being Kanye, real as ever. Only now he's soft as baby shit and likes to cry about his feelings to anyone who will listen. Different, sure, but still totally the same old Mr. West.




PS - If you think Kanye is "real" you're a clown. Guy is a one-man gimmick factory. Fact.

Lorde is only 16? K, I'll just go fuck myself

So this little bitch right here is Lorde. She made the song Royals, which if you haven't heard it you're a fucking hermit dingus who probably hasn't seen light in whatever a fortnight is. Either that or you're above the age of 40 which still shouldn't even matter but whatever. Yeah well this chick has a couple other fire songs too. And on top of that shit, she is about to release her second album. Listen babe, I get that you wanna be a fucking rock star, I'm totally ok with that, but could you wait a couple years before you throw your fucking talent in my face again. Come on dude, have a heart, let the rest of us catch up a little. You know, make adjustments? Maybe achieve some semblance of accomplishment in out own lives before you come out and effortlessly sell out stadiums and pile up cash. Just please slow it down just a little, I'm asking as a friend*.

*never met

Tennis Court = Hot fire.

PS - Dog lover. I see you Lorde, I see you.

D-Rose with a little music to my ears

ESPN Chi -  Derrick Rose was not bold enough to say he would beat Michael Jordan in a game of one-on-one, but if they played, the current Chicago Bulls star was confident that the former one would feel it. 
"I'm a guy where if he was about to win the game, he for sure would be beat up after the game," said Rose, who is set to play in his first preseason game Saturday at Indiana after missing all of last season with a knee injury. "It was going to be a hard-played game even if he was going to post me up the whole time or whatever. I was going to foul him the whole game." 

Fucking Derrick Rose. This is the kind of shit I love to hear. Everybody in basketball talks about how the game is so much softer and none of these guys are willing to give/take contact and its 100% true. They all argue about who could play back in the Dream Team days of the 90s with guys like Jordan, Barkley, and Olajuwon. People bring up Carmelo, Lebron, Kobe. But no one ever seems to throw D-Rose into that mix and I'm left sitting here wondering why the hell not? Does he think he can beat Jordan? Fuck no, of course not, but he thinks he can at the very least beat Jordan up on the court. No one's questioning these guys physical abilities, they just flat out don't have the will and mindset to hang around with the 90s guys. No free buckets, Derrick gets it. In a league that's becoming more and more about finesse with each passing season it's good to have a team like the Bulls around. A throwback to the golden age of basketball when players literally clawed their way across the court, scraping for points. Jordan puking in a bucket, Bird basically playing without a back, every game was an absolute fucking dogfight. The Bulls proved they've got the attitude and tools to make playoffs run, they just happened to be short a superstar. Not anymore. 

If "No Free Buckets" doesn't work out as the new team motto, there's always plan B.

Donte Whitner dropping the 'W' in last name, now Donte Hitner

DS - It's not just Twitter bluster; 49ers safety Donte Whitner says he's filed the necessary paperwork to have his last name officially changed to Donte Hitner

The hard-hitting defender told 49ers.com that "I sent [the petition] to my lawyer and he filed it for me in Ohio," where Whitner maintains residence.

Seriously bro, try harder.

Rose would kill his mom to win a championship...kinda...

ESPNChi - Chicago Bulls superstar Derrick Rose has his mental edge back. After sitting out all of last season while rehabbing from a torn ACL injury he suffered on April 28, 2012, Rose looks -- and sounds -- like a man who is ready to prove all his critics wrong.

While discussing what it will mean to him to be back on the floor against a different team in Saturday's preseason opener against the Indiana Pacers, the former MVP said it doesn't matter who he is playing, he would approach the game the same way.

"I'm a guy where whoever's on the court I'm going to go at them," Rose said. "If it's my teammates, it could be my mom on the court, she's going to get killed. I could care less who [is out there]. For me, I'm just trying to build that mentality where I don't care who's out there, I'm going to play the same way."

For those of you who don't know what this picture is, it's D-Rose doing the same thing he does right before every home game at the United Center: blowing a kiss to his mom. This is the same mom he seemingly can't do a single interview without mentioning, the same mom that he refused to take his MVP trophy picture without. If there is one thing that you can say about Derrick Rose (besides the fact the he's an absolute basketball God), the guy is a straight up momma's boy through and through, no bones about it. Like you know those little baby monkeys that get snatched up from sucking their mother's titty milk in the jungle and then get thrown into a zoo? Well, they have less separation anxiety from their moms than Derrick Rose does. And right here he's basically saying, "Yeah I fucking love my mom to death, that's my main bitch, but if she gets between me and a championship then I'm going to run her the fuck over. Nobody is going to get in my way."*

Basically he's saying he'd sell his soul to the devil to win a championship for this city. How can you not fucking love Derrick Rose? Chatter about him has settled down with the Hawks winning the Stanley Cup and now the solid start to the Trestman-era Bears and we haven't heard as much about Derrick as we normally would. It honestly feels like a lot of people in Chicago have forgotten he's the youngest MVP ever. But the fact that Chicago's top athlete is still hungry to prove that he can do more means nothing but great things for this team and this city. If you're not a Bulls fan that's fine, you don't have to cheer for them. Just do yourself a favor and don't bet against them this year. 

*paraphrased a little bit

October 29th in Miami cannot get here soon enough. Cue the tape.

Blackhawks start tonight...one word: repeat

Only one word on the mind of every Hawks player this season: repeat. Honestly have expectations ever been this high for a Blackhawks team? They're young, they're fast, and they only continue to improve year after year. Quenneville has proved himself time and again to be one of the best coaches in the league and always manages to get the most out of each line. Patrick Kane put up MVP numbers last year and as long as he stays healthy I don't see why he can't top 100 points for the first time in his career. Oh, and what are the chances Kaner's mullet comes back in full force for the playoffs, like a billion percent?

It might sound like I'm sucking off the Hawks here but if we're being completely honest is there anyone that can stop us in a seven game series? Like honestly? Maybe the Penguins, maybe. But that's only assuming they don't fold in the playoffs. It's also assuming Sid the Kid doesn't do his best impression of Samuel Jackson in Unbreakable. The guy's made of straight up glass, facts are just facts.

Sveum out, who's up next?

A couple days ago the Cubs got rid of manager Dale Sveum. Honestly it was a move I thought was completely warranted, and one that I expected the club to make. Sure Sveum had a rough task trying to fill out a roster and win games while the Cubs were shipping out their better talent to bring in young, promising prospects. Bottom line is this: no matter how shitty your team is, if you're a former hitting coach and your best hitter's average goes from .300 to .280, and then dips even further the next year to around .240 then you're just not getting the job done and a change needs to happen, plain and simple. Now if only we could get Girardi to remember he was born and raised a Cubs fan, went to college in Chicago, and was drafted by them to start his career, then we'd be golden.

PS - I'd be lying if I didn't say I thought this job deserved to go to Ryne Sandberg. Pretty upsetting the way the organization dismissed one of its all time greats.