Big Mouth Billy Bass Thwarts Burglary Attempt Single-Handedly

(Source) - Big Mouth Billy Bass apparently got the best of a would-be burglar in Minnesota.

Authorities in Rochester say the motion-activated singing fish apparently scared off an intruder who tried to break into the Hooked on Fishing bait and tackle shop.

The novelty bass had been hung near the door and would start singing "Take Me to the River" whenever someone entered the shop.

The Olmsted County Sheriff's Office says the fish was found on the floor after the intruder knocked it down while breaking the door to get in late Sunday or early Monday.

Sgt. Tom Claymon tells the Star Tribune the would-be burglar left without stealing anything, including cash that had been left in "a very visible spot."

This guy has to feel like a million bucks right now.  Not only did his shop not get robbed, but the thing that stopped the actual robbery was a singing rubber fish that's probably been hanging on his wall for like 10 years.  Every single day he's probably debated taking it down too.  Thing has to be so fucking annoying, singing "Take Me to the River" every single time someone walks into his bait shop, which since it's in Minnesota probably means the only place in town that has more foot traffic is the Wal-Mart.  It probably almost drove him insane like Shumann*.  But day after day he let it hang, dealing with his wife bitching about how it was a stupid idea to get it in the first place, nagging straight in his grill until one day boom!  Billy Bass saves the fucking day.  Hey honey, don't thank the police they didn't do shit.  Thank me.  Or better yet, thank my ridiculously pointless folk tune-singing fish.  I can't imagine anything more satisfying than being able to stare all the haters right in their eyeballs and with a completely straight face tell them that your Billy Bass has literally paid for itself.  Did it annoy the shit out of me and drive me nuts for years, yeah, but you know what else?  It saved my business. With toys like that who needs a watchdog?

*George Costanza:  Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?
Jerry Seinfeld:  No, you idiot.
George Costanza:  What are you, Bud Abbott? What are you calling me an idiot for?
Jerry Seinfeld:  You don't know Robert Schumann? The composer?
George Costanza:  Oh, Schu-MANN. Of course.

Couldn't find the right clip, but here's another great one from the same episode.  Because I care.